Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Don't Kiss Your Chickens

Go here to find out how my adventure began.

Guess who has come to hang out with me while Jed is out of town? Yup, none other than my buddy Clare! It's almost like being back in school again knowing there's going to be a pajama party every night.

And while Jed was all for the idea of Clare and me being part-time housemates, he seemed less than convinced that we would manage to stay out of trouble. Haven't a clue why he would feel that way, LOL! I did my best to assure him we would be as good as gold and spend our time doing girl stuff -- shopping, eating out, taking walks, that kind of thing. I'm was actually hoping to enlist Clare to help me get the garden ready for planting, but the blasted weather here won't cooperate. One day it's a balmy 70 degrees, the next day we get a cold blast. Of course, she would would probably just sag at the idea of turning over beds anyway, so maybe it's for the best.

Well, need to run out and pick up some supplies before her arrival. I think a Harvey Wallbanger or two might be in order to celebrate. They'll also give me the opportunity to bust her butt about the
last time we got tipsy drinking them. "Don't kiss your chickens," indeed.

Get a hold of my adventure, The Trouble with Mattie, at these fine retailers.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Excuse Me While I Have a Hissy Fit

Go here to find out how my adventure began.

I just heard from my step-daughter Eva and could not believe she was asking for money, AGAIN! The nerve of that conniving little...Okay Mattie, deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Ommmm. There, calming down a little.

I mean, wouldn't you think after all the trouble she got into after she cleaned me out and threw me into that wretched Autumn Leaves home, she would have learned a lesson? If you want the full rundown of her exploits, read 'em here.

In an attempt to be charitable, I asked why she needed money. After a considerable time spent whining and sniffling about how "Mother Mattie, you know how pricey things are these days, with the economy and all, and that a dollar just doesn't stretch as far (more tears)," I finally zeroed in on her true objective: she just had to have a pair of Ed Hardy jeans she saw at Dillard's. As I pried the truth out of her, I quickly went online to check out what made these particular pair of pants so special. Hell's Bells! These jeans look like a pack of jackals attacked them and for this they want $149???? Are they nuts???? Not to mention the fact that
she lost me at the words "Mother Mattie" which is an 'endearment' that just sets my teeth on edge and she knows it.

"What about a nice pair of Levi's?" I asked. "LEVI'S?," Eva shrieked. "I wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of those. They have no class at all." This coming from a woman who wore a blindingly orange swimsuit, peppered with enough sequins to make your eyes explode.

In spite of more tears and pleading on her part, I finally put my foot down and told her absolutely, positively not. I wasn't going to give her money to throw away on a pair of ugly, outrageously priced jeans that she will toss in a corner as soon as the next fad appears. Needless to say, she was not a happy girl and threatened to make my life miserable for all eternity.

As if.

Unfortunately, during the course of our conversation, I let it slip I was starting this blog as a diary of sorts. Hopefully, she won't find it, but knowing her as I do, I wouldn't be surprised to see her post a comment or two.

Get a hold of my adventure, The Trouble with Mattie, at these fine retailers.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

And Away We Go

So here I am starting my own blog. I didn't set out putting my thoughts online, but my nephew Scotty was the tipping point. Guess I better explain.

You see, over the last several months a boatload of events happened that I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. For example, I lost my home, saw my step-daughter take me to the cleaners, be forced into a housing compound for disadvantaged souls, found a soul-sister and a soul-mate, unearthed unscrupulous business practices, was threatened with bodily harm...well, you get the idea.

I thought stuff like that only happens in novels, not to people like me, Mattie Mitchell. But in fact, my exploits did turn up in a book when my pal, Mary A. Berger, got wind of my story. Before I could say, "Hell's Bells!" she published The Trouble with Mattie. What a little instigator she is.

As you might imagine, with all this going on a girl could use an outlet to marshal her thoughts. That's where Scotty's suggestion to start a blog took hold. He said, "Aunt Mattie, you've got such great stories to tell, why not start an online journal?" I was pretty skeptical at first. While not being totally ignorant on using a computer, a blog sounded rather complicated to my ears. But Scotty being a computer whiz that he is, stopped over one afternoon and within no time had me up and running. And here we are.

So watch out world, Mattie Mitchell has jumped into the digital world with both feet and can't wait to see what happens!

Get a hold of my adventure, The Trouble with Mattie, at these fine retailers.